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The line graph show the sale of music.

The line graph show the sale of music. O65Pd
The line graph depicts the information about the percentage of total music sales. Overview, the marketing of CDs was higher than other sales in former year, however it go down over the period, while the sale of streams showed a upward trend. In 2011, the demand of CDs was highest proportion at about 50%, but the sale of downloads was approximately 30%. The marketing of CDs go down and it intersecting downloads sale in 2013.
The line graph depicts the information about the percentage of total music sales.

Overview, the marketing of CDs was higher than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in former year,
however
it go down over the period, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of streams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
upward trend.

In 2011, the demand of CDs was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
proportion at about 50%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of downloads was approximately 30%. The marketing of CDs go down and
Did you mean "it's intersecting", "it is intersecting", or "it was intersecting"?
it intersecting
downloads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
in 2013.

IELTS academic The line graph show the sale of music.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
75 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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