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THE GRAPH GIVES INFORMATION ABOUT MALE AND FEMALE GYM MEMBERSHIP BETWEEN 1980 AND 2010.

THE GRAPH GIVES INFORMATION ABOUT MALE AND FEMALE GYM MEMBERSHIP BETWEEN 1980 AND 2010. Ql67P
THE LINE GRAPH ILLUSTRATES THE INFORMATION ABOUT HOW MUCH PERCENTAGE OF MALE AND FEMALE IN GYM MEMBERSHIP OVER A PERIOD OF 30 YEARS. OVERALL, IT IS MANIFEST FROM THE LINE GRAPH THAT THE RATIO OF MEN WAS THE HIGHEST, WHEREAS THE RATIO OF WOMEN WAS THE LOWEST THROUGHOUT THE GIVEN PERIOD. INITIATING AT 2000% MEN IN 1980 AND GROW TO 4000% IN 1985, THE NUMBER OF MALE PARTICIPATE IN GYM MEMBERSHIP DECREASE BY 2000% IN 1990. ALTHOUGH WOMEN HAD ONLY 1050% IN 1980 AND RISE TO 2000% IN 1985, THE NUMERAL OF FEMALE PARTICIPATE IN GYM MEMBERSHIP SLOWLY DECLINE BY 1900% IN 1990. HOWEVER, THE AVERAGE OF MEN PARTICIPATE IN GYM MEMBERSHIP IS 1800% IN 1995 AND STEADILY ROSE TO 3800% IN 2000 EVEN SO, THE PROPORTION OF MALE PARTICIPATE IN GYM MEMBERSHIP IMMENSELY ELEVATION BY 5000% IN 2005. MOREOVER, female quantity of participants IN GYM MEMBERSHIP IS EXTENSION AT 2900% IN 1995 AND SLIGHTLY FALL TO 2200% IN 2000 COMPARABLY, THE DIGIT OF WOMEN PARTICIPATE IN GYM MEMBERSHIP IS EXPAND BY 2900% IN 2005. LAST YEAR, THE VALUE OF MEN PARTICIPATE IN GYM MEMBERSHIP IS EXTREMELY DEPRESSED. SO THAT 800% MEN PARTICIPATE IN GYM MEMBERSHIP. NONETHELESS, THE PERCENTAGE OF MALE PARTICIPATE IN GYM MEMBERSHIP IS SUNKEN BY 1950% IN 2010.
THE LINE GRAPH ILLUSTRATES THE INFORMATION ABOUT HOW MUCH PERCENTAGE OF MALE AND FEMALE IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GYM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEMBERSHIP
OVER A PERIOD OF 30 YEARS.
OVERALL
, IT IS MANIFEST FROM THE LINE GRAPH THAT THE RATIO OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEN
WAS THE HIGHEST, WHEREAS THE RATIO OF WOMEN WAS THE LOWEST THROUGHOUT THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GIVEN
PERIOD. INITIATING AT 2000%
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MEN
IN 1980 AND GROW TO 4000% IN 1985, THE NUMBER OF MALE
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PARTICIPATE
IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GYM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEMBERSHIP
DECREASE BY 2000% IN 1990. ALTHOUGH WOMEN HAD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
1050% IN 1980 AND RISE TO 2000% IN 1985, THE NUMERAL OF FEMALE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PARTICIPATE
IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GYM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEMBERSHIP
SLOWLY
DECLINE BY 1900% IN 1990.
HOWEVER
, THE AVERAGE OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PARTICIPATE
IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GYM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEMBERSHIP
IS 1800% IN 1995 AND
STEADILY
ROSE TO 3800% IN 2000 EVEN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
, THE PROPORTION OF MALE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PARTICIPATE
IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GYM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEMBERSHIP
IMMENSELY
ELEVATION BY 5000% IN 2005.
MOREOVER
, female quantity of participants IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GYM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEMBERSHIP
IS EXTENSION AT 2900% IN 1995 AND
SLIGHTLY
FALL TO 2200% IN 2000
COMPARABLY
, THE DIGIT OF WOMEN
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "participates"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'PARTICIPATE' is not always incorrect.)
PARTICIPATE
IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GYM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEMBERSHIP
IS EXPAND BY 2900% IN 2005. LAST YEAR, THE VALUE OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PARTICIPATE
IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GYM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEMBERSHIP
IS
EXTREMELY
DEPRESSED.
“SO THAT” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
SO THAT
800%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PARTICIPATE
IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GYM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEMBERSHIP
. NONETHELESS, THE PERCENTAGE OF MALE
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PARTICIPATE
IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GYM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEMBERSHIP
IS SUNKEN BY 1950% IN 2010.
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IELTS academic THE GRAPH GIVES INFORMATION ABOUT MALE AND FEMALE GYM MEMBERSHIP BETWEEN 1980 AND 2010.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
211 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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