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The line graph illustrates the unemployment percentage in Australia in Rural and Urban region in the year 2012.

The line graph illustrates the unemployment percentage in Australia in Rural and Urban region in the year 2012. GNoVx
The line graph illustrates the unemployment percentage in Australia in Rural and Urban region in the year 2012. Overall, the unemployment rate for both rural and urban region showed opposite trend till second quarter of year. Unemployment rate for rural region decreased dramatically till second quarter, whereas in city side it increased exponentially. After second quarter of the year, it fluctuated till the end of the year for both urban and rural areas. In rural areas, during first quarter unemployment rate went down significantly from 6. 5% to approximately 4. 5%. Thereafter it rose to 5. 5% and went down slightly to 5% before stabilizing at 5%. In contrast to country-side, employment rate showed sharp increase from 2 % to 4% for people living in cities; however it fell down to lowest value of 2% between second and third quarter. At the end of the year unemployment rate increased and settled at same rate of 5%, as rural region.
The line graph illustrates the
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unemployment
percentage in Australia in
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Rural
and Urban
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region
in the
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year
2012.

Overall
, the
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unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
for both
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rural
and urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
opposite trend till second
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quarter
of
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year
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
decreased
dramatically
till second
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quarter
, whereas in city side it increased
exponentially
. After second
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quarter
of the
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year
, it fluctuated till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
for both urban and
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rural
areas.

In
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rural
areas, during
first
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quarter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
went down
significantly
from 6. 5% to approximately 4. 5%.
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Thereafter
it rose to 5. 5% and went down
slightly
to 5%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
stabilizing at 5%.

In contrast
to country-side, employment
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rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
sharp increase from 2 % to 4% for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in cities;
however
it fell down to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
value of 2% between second and third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
increased and settled at same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of 5%, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
.
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IELTS academic The line graph illustrates the unemployment percentage in Australia in Rural and Urban region in the year 2012.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
159 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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