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describe shown chart in 150 word

describe shown chart in 150 word PW2Pp
A glance at chart shown reveals information of graduated international student's fluctuation during 2001 and 2006 in Canada's provinces. by 2001 approximately 7 percent of international students had graduated from New Brunswick. which is the highest quantity recorded in 2001. Ontario, meanwhile, saw graduated about 3 percent of international students which is the least amount of them all. A more detailed look at chart reveals an increasing trend for almost all provinces in 2006. However there is an exception named Alberta. In 2001 approximately 6 percent of international graduation belonged to Alberta which followed by 4. 2 percent in 2006. which is the minimum amount of specified year. Another remarkable fact about chart is that New Brunswick was always at lead recorded data proves that 11. 8 percent was the highest quantity for 2006. Meanwhile most significant increase belongs to British Colombia which nearly enjoyed twice as amount of 2001 in 2006.
A glance at chart shown reveals information of graduated
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international
student's fluctuation during 2001 and 2006 in Canada's provinces.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
by
2001 approximately 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
students had graduated from New Brunswick.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
is the highest quantity recorded in 2001.

Ontario, meanwhile,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
graduated about 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
students which is the least amount of them all.

A more detailed look at chart reveals an increasing trend for almost all provinces in 2006.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
there is an exception named Alberta.

In 2001 approximately 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
graduation belonged to Alberta which followed by 4. 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2006.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
is the minimum amount of specified year.

Another remarkable fact about chart is that New Brunswick was always at lead recorded data proves that 11. 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
was the highest quantity for 2006.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
most significant increase belongs to British Colombia which
nearly
enjoyed twice as amount of 2001 in 2006.
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IELTS academic describe shown chart in 150 word

Academic
  American English
7 paragraphs
152 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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