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The line graph illustrates information about percentage of first Year teachers including english language teachers

The line graph illustrates information about percentage of first Year teachers including english language teachers NlMo2
The line graph illustrates information about percentage of first Year teachers including english language teachers and Frinch language teachers who were employed during 6 Years in Ontario. Overall, we can see a decline trend at first years for both groups of teachers. For English language teachers this decrease trend have continued, while for french language teachers increasedin percentage of recruitment after 2002 were happened. . There are a sharp drop in percentage of english language teachers who were recruitmented by 73% in 2001 to 40% in 2003. Between 2003 to 2005 we can see a slight rise about 5%. After that there are a decrease trend to below 30% between 2005 to 2007. The precentage of French language employment have decreased to53% between 2001 to 2002. Although there are increase trend about 18% from 2002 to 2005, a slight decline about 5% between 2005 to 2006، have been shown. Finally a rise in percentage of teachers employment from 68% to75% from 2006 to 2007 was happened.
The line graph illustrates

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information
about percentage

of
first
Year
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teachers
including

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english
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language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and

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Frinch
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language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who
were employed
during 6 Years

in Ontario.

Overall
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a

decline
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trend
at
first
years

for both groups of teachers.

For English
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language
teachers

this decrease
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trend
have

continued, while for

"French" needs to be capitalized when not used as a verb.
french
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language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
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increasedin
percentage of recruitment after 2002
were happened
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
There are a sharp
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drop
in

percentage of
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english


language
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teachers
who

were
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recruitmented
by

73% in 2001 to 40% in

2003.
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "Between 2003 and 2005".
Between 2003 to 2005


we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a slight rise

about 5%.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
that there

are a decrease
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trend
to

below 30%
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2005 and 2007".
between 2005 to 2007
.

The
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precentage
of French

language employment have

decreased to53%
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2001 and 2002".
between 2001 to 2002
. Although there

are increase
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "trends"?
trend
about 18%

from 2002 to 2005,

a slight decline about

5% between 2005 to 2006،

have
been shown
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
a rise in percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
employment from 68% to75% from 2006 to 2007
was happened
.

IELTS academic The line graph illustrates information about percentage of first Year teachers including english language teachers

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
166 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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