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The line graph illustrate the percentage of people aged 65 in the USA, Sweden and Japan from 1940 to 2040.

The line graph illustrate the percentage of people aged 65 in the USA, Sweden and Japan from 1940 to 2040. bY8P3
The line graph illustrate the percentage of people aged 65 in the USA, Sweden and Japan from 1940 to 2040. It can be seen from the graph that percentage of people rise in per country over an 100-year period (1940-2040). In Japan, Proportion of old aged people will change exponentially. In 1940, approximately 9% of Americans were aged 65, comparatively to around 5% of Japanese and 7% of Swedish. In the USA and Sweden, percentage of old-aged people climbed step by step over the next 50 years, achieving a mere below 15% in some 1990. In stark contrast, the graphs for Japan lingered under 5% until the 2000. In the future, the percentage of elderly people will soar with a jump of over 15 % in a mere 10 years between 2030 and 2040. It is thought that about 27% of people will be 65 years old or more in Japan, while the graphs for The USA and Sweden will be few lower, at around 23% and 25% respectively.
The line
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graph
illustrate the
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percentage
of
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people
aged 65 in the USA, Sweden and
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Japan
from 1940 to 2040. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
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graph
that
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rise in per country over an
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100-year
period (1940-2040). In
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Japan
, Proportion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
aged
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people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
exponentially
. In 1940, approximately 9% of Americans
were aged
65,
comparatively
to around 5% of Japanese and 7% of Swedish.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the USA and Sweden,
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percentage
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-aged
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people
climbed step by step over the
next
50 years, achieving a mere below 15% in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
1990.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
stark contrast, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graphs
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
lingered under 5% until the 2000.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the future, the
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percentage
of elderly
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people
will soar with a jump of over 15 % in a mere 10 years between 2030 and 2040. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that about 27% of
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people
will be 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
or more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, while the
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graphs
for The USA and Sweden will be few lower, at around 23% and 25%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The line graph illustrate the percentage of people aged 65 in the USA, Sweden and Japan from 1940 to 2040.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
169 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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