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The line graph demonstrates the admission of foreign students and domestic students in an Australian University within the last ten years.

The line graph demonstrates the admission of foreign students and domestic students in an Australian University within the last ten years. Dlj77
The line graph demonstrates the admission of foreign students and domestic students in an Australian University within the last ten years. Overall the number of foreign students enrollment has been increased over the past ten years between 2001 and 2010. But the domestic students count increased suddenly and then it decreased gradually. At the end local students admission count is little bit higher than the intial count. The Overseas students who were at the beginning stage, there count was getting increased gradually and reached 40000 by the year of 2010. At the year 2001, their count was somwhere between 5000 and 20000. The total foreign students count was intially 20000, but later on it was increased and at the year of 2010 the number was changed to 80000. By the year of 2001, the initial learners count were between 150000 and 200000. The count was suddenly reached to 220000 and by 2003 the enrollment count was decreased slowly upto the year 2006. After that the numbers started increasing slowly. However the total number of domestic students count was 400000 at the year 2001. The count was gradually increased throughout the years and it reached the saturated point at 600000 by 2007. Between 2008 and 2010 the count remained same.
The line graph demonstrates the admission of foreign
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students
and domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in an Australian University within the last ten years.

Overall
the
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number
of foreign
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "students'" or "student's"?
students
enrollment has been
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increased
over the past ten years between 2001 and 2010.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the domestic
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
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increased
suddenly
and then it decreased
gradually
. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
local
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "students'" or "student's"?
students
admission
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count
is
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
higher than the
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intial
count.

The Overseas
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students
who were at the beginning stage, there
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count
was getting
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increased
gradually
and reached 40000 by the
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year
of 2010. At the
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year
2001, their
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count
was
Possible spelling mistake found.
somwhere
between 5000 and 20000. The total foreign
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students
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count
was
Possible spelling mistake found.
intially
20000,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
later on it was
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increased
and at the
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year
of 2010 the
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number
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to 80000.

By the
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year
of 2001, the initial learners
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count
were between 150000 and 200000. The
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count
was
suddenly
reached to 220000 and by 2003 the enrollment
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count
was decreased
slowly
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
the
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year
2006.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
that the
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numbers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
increasing
slowly
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the total
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number
of domestic
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
was 400000 at the
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year
2001. The
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count
was
gradually
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increased
throughout the years and it reached the saturated point at 600000 by 2007. Between 2008 and 2010 the
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count
remained same.
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IELTS academic The line graph demonstrates the admission of foreign students and domestic students in an Australian University within the last ten years.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
209 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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