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The chart indicates the percentage of Girls and Boys who played various sports in New Zealand in the year 2002.

The chart indicates the percentage of Girls and Boys who played various sports in New Zealand in the year 2002. bY5y3
The chart indicates the percentage of Girls and Boys who played various sports in New Zealand in the year 2002. The overall impression reveals that girls showed more interest in playing Netball as compared to Boys. The boys preferred Soccer, whereas, girls were less involved in Cricket. To begin with, approximately 2% of girls played cricket over 10% boys and both the categories were almost equally involved in Athletics. In addition, 10% of boys were in Martial Arts on under 5% girls. It is apparent, Tennis and Basketball show a similar trend with under 10% boys playing these games just over 5% girls. Moreover, Netball was most popular among 25% girls and under 1/4 of the boys. However, almost 25% of boys played Soccer over 1/5 of girls. Furthermore, around 25% girls and nearly 13% boys took part in swimming and other games were chosen by 10% and almost 17% girls and boys respectively.
The chart indicates the percentage of
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Girls
and
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Boys
who played various sports in New Zealand in the year 2002.

The
overall
impression reveals that
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girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
more interest in playing Netball as compared to
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Boys
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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boys
preferred Soccer, whereas,
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girls
were less involved in Cricket.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, approximately 2% of
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girls
played cricket over 10%
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boys
and both the categories were almost
equally
involved in Athletics.
In addition
, 10% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
were in Martial Arts on under 5%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. It is apparent, Tennis and Basketball
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a similar trend with under 10%
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boys
playing these games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 5% girls.

Moreover
, Netball was most popular among 25%
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girls
and under 1/4 of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
.
However
, almost 25% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
played Soccer over 1/5 of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
Furthermore
, around 25%
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girls
and
nearly
13%
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boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in swimming and other games
were chosen
by 10% and almost 17%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The chart indicates the percentage of Girls and Boys who played various sports in New Zealand in the year 2002.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
154 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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