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The line graph demonstrated how 3 spreads were consumpted between 1981 and 2007.

The line graph demonstrated how 3 spreads were consumpted between 1981 and 2007. d30E6
The line graph demonstrated how 3 spreads were consumpted between 1981 and 2007. Overall, at first butter was the most picked spread out of three, after which low fat and reduced spreads became popular and took the butter's place. In 1981, consumers prefered using butter with bread, which made 140 grams of this substance sold out. The figure even culminated at nearly 160 grams in 1986, after which fell down dramatically at approximately 50 gram in 2007. In contrast, low fat and reduced spreads, which were only invented in 1996, started with a low amount of consumtion being 10 grams. In the next 11 years, it soaked up to the peak of around 80 grams and then went down slightly at nearly 70 grams. With regard to margarine, the figure started at around 90 grams, after which fluctuated and finally droped at 40 grams in 2007.
The line graph demonstrated how 3
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spreads
were
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consumpted
between 1981 and 2007.

Overall
, at
first
butter was the most picked
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spread
out of three, after which low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
became popular and took the butter's place.

In 1981, consumers
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prefered
using butter with bread, which made 140
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grams
of this substance sold out. The figure even culminated at
nearly
160
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grams
in 1986, after which fell down
dramatically
at approximately 50
Possible agreement error. The noun 'gram' seems to be countable, so consider using: "grams".
gram
in 2007.

In contrast
, low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
, which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
invented in 1996,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with a low amount of
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumtion
being 10
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grams
. In the
next
11 years, it soaked up to the peak of around 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
and then went down
slightly
at
nearly
70 grams.

With regard to margarine, the figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at around 90
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
, after which fluctuated and
finally
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "dropped", the past tense form of the verb 'drop'?
droped
at 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in 2007.

IELTS academic The line graph demonstrated how 3 spreads were consumpted between 1981 and 2007.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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