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the bả chart show the most important cause for stress in different ages

the bả chart show the most important cause for stress in different ages 1kWjW
The bar chart manifests the most significant reasons for tension for four distinct age groups ranging from 21 to above in Canada. From an overall perspective, people aged 25-54 suffer mostly due to excessive workload and financial instability, while those aged 64 and above are mentally affected due to no particular reason or health issues. Notably, the proportion of people stressed from inexplicable sources far exceeded the other sources. As observed, people suffered stressed related by different sources as their ages advances: while a high of 25% of people aged from 25-54 got pressure from heavy workload most, the indicators for other age groups were marginally smaller, at 15% in the age group 55-64 and lesser than 1% as people aged 65 and older. A similar pattern was witnessed regarding financial burden, with figures starting at 15% in the youngest age group and ending at roughly 3% in the oldest age group. In contrast, no particular reason is the primary source of worries for individuals aged 65-74 and 75 and above, proportionate at 32% and 35%. Another primary anxiety source that concerns these age groups is personal health, at 24% and 15%.
The bar chart manifests the most significant reasons for tension for four distinct
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age
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groups
ranging from 21 to above in Canada.

From an
overall
perspective,
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people
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aged
25-54 suffer
mostly
due to excessive workload and financial instability, while those
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aged
64 and above are mentally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
due to no particular reason or health issues.
Notably
, the proportion of
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
from inexplicable
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sources
far exceeded the other sources.

As observed,
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people
suffered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
related by
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different
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sources
as their
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ages
advances: while a high of 25% of
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people
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aged
from 25-54
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
pressure from heavy workload most, the indicators for other
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age
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groups
were
marginally
smaller, at 15% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
55-64 and lesser than 1% as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
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aged
65 and older. A similar pattern
was witnessed
regarding financial burden, with figures starting at 15% in the youngest
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age
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group
and ending at roughly 3% in the oldest
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age
group.

In contrast
, no particular reason is the primary
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source
of
The verb 'worry' does not normally take the preposition 'for'. Did you mean "worries about"?
worries for
individuals
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aged
65-74 and 75 and above, proportionate at 32% and 35%. Another primary anxiety
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source
that concerns these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
is personal health, at 24% and 15%.
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IELTS academic the bả chart show the most important cause for stress in different ages

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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