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The line graph delineates the figures for downloads of four different noted music group, namely BTS, NWA, One Direction, Black Pink, loaded by Vietnamese individuals over a period of four years from 2016 to 2020.

The line graph delineates the figures for downloads of four different noted music group, namely BTS, NWA, One Direction, Black Pink, loaded by Vietnamese individuals over a period of four years from 2016 to 2020. m8mDL
The line graph delineates the figures for downloads of four different noted music group, namely BTS, NWA, One Direction, Black Pink, loaded by Vietnamese individuals over a period of four years from 2016 to 2020. Overall, while the yearly downloads of BTS and One Direction witnessed a mostly downward trend, that of the other two bands saw a considerable growth. Also, NWA consistently derived the highest downloads per year from 2016 to 2020, whereas Black Pink was the top-grossing band in the first two years, commencing 2016. It is explicitly observed that starting with 1, 500, 000 in 2016, the downloads of NWA fluctuated between close to 1, 750, 000 and 150, 000 during the first three years, after which it experienced a constant rise in its downloads with the figure reaching a peak of nearly 2, 500, 000 in 2020. Meanwhile, One Direction dropped slightly 1, 500, 000 in 2016 to roughly 1, 400, 000 in 2018 before recovering to reach almost 1, 000, 000 in 2019 and remained relatively stable over the following next years. Regarding the other two renowned music groups, BTS generated musical works of around 800, 000 downloads in 2018, compared to just over 500, 000 downloads for Black Pink in the same year. From 2018 onwards, the number of downloads for both two bands saw a different pattern. Black Pink changed dramatically, with the former increasing substantially to 1, 500, 000 and the latter reaching 2, 000, 000 at the end of the period. By contrast, the number of downloads plummeted, with the figure standing at just above 0 in 2020.
The line graph delineates the figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
of four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
noted music group,
namely
BTS,
Possible spelling mistake found.
NWA
, One Direction, Black Pink, loaded by Vietnamese individuals over a period of four years from 2016 to 2020.

Overall
, while the yearly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
of BTS and One Direction witnessed a
mostly
downward trend, that of the other two bands
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a considerable growth.
Also
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
NWA
consistently
derived the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
from 2016 to 2020, whereas Black Pink was the top-grossing band in the
first
two years, commencing 2016.

It is
explicitly
observed that starting with 1, 500, 000 in 2016, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
NWA
fluctuated between close to 1, 750, 000 and 150, 000 during the
first
three years, after which it experienced a constant rise in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
with the figure reaching a peak of
nearly
2, 500, 000 in 2020. Meanwhile, One Direction dropped
slightly
1, 500, 000 in 2016 to roughly 1, 400, 000 in 2018
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
recovering to reach almost 1, 000, 000 in 2019 and remained
relatively
stable over the following
next
years.

Regarding the other two renowned music groups, BTS generated musical works of around 800, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
in 2018, compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 500, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
for Black Pink in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. From 2018 onwards, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
for both two bands
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pattern. Black Pink
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
, with the former increasing
substantially
to 1, 500, 000 and the latter reaching 2, 000, 000 at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period. By contrast, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
plummeted, with the figure standing at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 0 in 2020.
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IELTS academic The line graph delineates the figures for downloads of four different noted music group, namely BTS, NWA, One Direction, Black Pink, loaded by Vietnamese individuals over a period of four years from 2016 to 2020.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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