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This line graph show the proportion of different age groups

This line graph show the proportion of different age groups 8GAym
The line graph gives the detail regarding the proportion of people of different age groups rating on certain factor as there importance when they move to a new home. A preliminary investigation of the line graph reveals that crime rate is the most important factor for people of all age groups. At the beginning of the period crime rate stands at about 80 per cent of people between the age of 25 to 34 age group, which was far higher than other factor and there is a gradual incline of population of 54 to 64 age groups. similarly, the school experience a downward trend, starting the age groups at above 50% and finishing below one fourth of people. Moreover, shopping facilities account for about 15 per cent of people of 25 to 34 age groups, and the proportion of 55 to 64 age groups people increse significantly by 10 per cent. on the other hand, public transport and parks are less preference factor in all age groups, with representing less than one fourth of people
The line graph gives the detail regarding the proportion of
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people
of
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different
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
rating on certain
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factor
as there importance when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a new home. A preliminary investigation of the line graph reveals that crime rate is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
for
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people
of all
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. At the beginning of the period crime rate stands at about 80 per cent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 25 to 34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, which was far higher than other
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factor
and there is a gradual incline of population of 54 to 64
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
similarly
, the school experience a downward trend, starting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
at above 50% and finishing below one fourth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, shopping facilities account for about 15 per cent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of 25 to 34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, and the proportion of 55 to 64
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
increse
significantly
by 10 per cent.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand, public transport and parks are less preference
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, with representing less than one fourth of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
people
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IELTS academic This line graph show the proportion of different age groups

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
174 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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