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The line graph/ chart compares the figures for visitors to two different music sites online and how these figures change over a period of 15 days.

The line graph/ chart compares the figures for visitors to two different music sites online and how these figures change over a period of 15 days. BaP26
The line graph/ chart compares the figures for visitors to two different music sites online and how these figures change over a period of 15 days. Overall, there is a rise in the figures for visitors who visit both sites over the 15-day period. Although the two trends are similar in terms of the general increase, the figure for visitors to Pop Parade in most days is higher than that of Music Choice. For the first 9 days, there is a gradual decline in the proportion of visitors to Pop Parade sites, which fall from 120, 000 visitors to 40, 000 visitors. However, for the next 2 days, the number of visitors to the Pop Parade site grows/ increases sharply to over 140, 000 visits. It drops to about 80, 000 visits from 12th to 13th before reaching the highest point during the 15 day period, which is around 170, 000 visitors. Over the similar period, the figure for visitors to Music Choice site varies less significantly than to Pop Parade. It fluctuates during 11 days, although it almost remains above 20, 000 visits. However, in the following 3 days, the figure for visitors to Music Choice site increases rapidly to the highest point of the whole line graph, over 120, 000 visits. By contrast, in the last day, the number of visitors to Music Choice decreases rapidly by over 40, 000 visitors, falling to below 80, 000 visitors on the 15th day.
The line graph/ chart compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different


music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
online and how these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
a period of 15 days.

Overall
, there is a rise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
who
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visit
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
over

the 15-day period. Although the two trends are similar in terms of the

general increase, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to Pop
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Parade
in most days is

higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
Choice.

For the
first
9 days, there is a gradual decline in the proportion of visitors

to Pop
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Parade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, which fall from 120, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to 40, 000 visitors.

However
, for the
next
2 days, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to the Pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parade
site

grows/ increases
sharply
to
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over
140, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
. It drops to about 80,
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000 visits
from 12th to 13th
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching the highest point during the
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "15-day"
15 day


period, which is around 170, 000 visitors.

Over the similar period, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
Choice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
varies

less
significantly
than to Pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parade
. It fluctuates during 11 days, although

it almost remains above 20, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
.
However
, in the following 3 days,

the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
Choice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
increases
rapidly
to the highest

point of the whole line graph,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
120, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
. By contrast, in the last

day, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
Choice decreases
rapidly
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over 40
, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, falling to below 80, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
on the 15th day.
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IELTS academic The line graph/ chart compares the figures for visitors to two different music sites online and how these figures change over a period of 15 days.

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
243 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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