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The diagram provides information about how to produce sugar from sugar cane in industries.

The diagram provides information about how to produce sugar from sugar cane in industries. yRElE
The diagram provides information about how to produce sugar from sugar cane in industries. Overall, the process consists of seven stages. Beginning with growing sugar canes, ending up with drying and cooling. In addition, all kinds of machines are used in this procedure. First of all, sugar canes are cultivated for 12 to 18 months. Following this, the ripe sugar canes are harvested by two main methods whether by machines or by hands. The collected plants then are sent to be crushed by an enormous machine with two wheels on it. Following this, the juice is purified by a limestone filter. After that, a procedure called evaporator with fire below it to heat it up. Consequently, the juice becomes syrup. Next, the syrup is put into the centrifuge which separates the sugar crystals from the syrup. Finally, the sugar is dried and cooled to become the sustenance we eat every day.
The diagram provides information about how to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cane
in industries.
Overall
, the process consists of seven stages. Beginning with growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
canes
, ending up with drying and cooling.
In addition
, all kinds of machines are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in this procedure.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
canes
are cultivated
for 12 to 18 months. Following this, the ripe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
canes
are harvested
by two main methods whether by machines or by hands. The collected plants then are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
be crushed
by an enormous machine with two wheels on it. Following this, the juice
is purified
by a limestone filter.

After that, a procedure called evaporator with fire below it to heat it up.
Consequently
, the juice becomes syrup.
Next
, the syrup
is put
into the centrifuge which separates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
crystals from the syrup.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is dried
and cooled to become the sustenance we eat every day.
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IELTS academic The diagram provides information about how to produce sugar from sugar cane in industries.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
151 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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