Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009. v.4

The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009. v. 4
The provided line graph compares the proportion of females who were from 15 to 64 years old having a job in five different nations from 2003 to 2009. It is clear that the percentage of women who were in workforce in Iceland slightly decreased while there were a general increase in other countries over the period shown. Overall, the proportion of working women in Turkey was always the lowest. In 2003, over 80% women in Iceland were in employment, compared to under 70% of Canadians. The proportion of employed 15-to-64-year-old female Germans was just under 60%. The figures for Chile and Turkey were lower than other nations, roughly at 35% and 25% respectively. After 6 years later, only Iceland had a fall in rate of women who got a job in this aged group, to under 80%. The period from 2003 to 2009 witnessed a slightly rise in female’s workforce in Germany and Chile, at around 65% and over 40% respectively. Turkey saw a mild decline in figure from 2003 to 2005, over 20% women in employment.
The provided line graph compares the proportion of females who were from 15 to 64 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
having a job in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations from 2003 to 2009.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who were in workforce in Iceland
slightly
decreased while there were a general increase in other countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the period shown.
Overall
, the proportion of working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in Turkey was always the lowest.

In 2003,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in Iceland were in employment, compared to under 70% of Canadians. The proportion of employed 15-to-64-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
female Germans was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 60%. The figures for Chile and Turkey were lower than other nations, roughly at 35% and 25%
respectively
.

After 6 years later,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Iceland had a fall in rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a job in this aged group, to under 80%. The period from 2003 to 2009 witnessed a
You used an adverb ('slightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('rise') instead of another adjective.
slightly rise
in female’s workforce in Germany and Chile, at around 65% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
40%
respectively
. Turkey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a mild decline in figure from 2003 to 2005,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
20%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in employment.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS academic The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009. v. 4

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
177 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts