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The line graph below gives information about financial expenditure of local organisation in New zealand in between the year of 2012 to 2022.

The line graph below gives information about financial expenditure of local organisation in New zealand in between the year of 2012 to 2022. drQWp
The statistical data about the financial position of New Zealand local authority during the time frame of 2012 to 2022 has been illustrated by the line graph. The units of measurement is given in million of dollars. To commence with, the both rates of revenue and user charges had been increased with similar pattern until the year of 2022, as 1. 5 million dollars of revenue was noticed in 2012, which was 5 million dollars more as compared to user charges and they are expected to grow around 2000 million dollars in 2022, which would be approximately 400 million dollars less than revenue rate. In addition, the figure of borrowing had showed noticeable fluctuation, it was calculated roughly 600 million dollars. However, in end of the period it is estimated to increase by 150 million dollars, whereas the grant and subsidies were made lowest financial level, which was nearly 400 million of dollars in 2012. Although, in 2016 the expense of local organisation was double as opposed to 2012, but in 2022 it is expected to fall down again and reached at 500 million of dollars.
The statistical data about the financial position of New Zealand local authority during the time frame of 2012 to 2022 has
been illustrated
by the line graph. The units of measurement
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "are".
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
of dollars.

To commence with, the both rates of revenue and user charges had
been increased
with similar pattern until the year of 2022, as 1. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
of revenue
was noticed
in 2012, which was 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to user
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
charges and
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to grow around 2000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in 2022, which would be approximately 400
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
less than revenue rate.

In addition
, the figure of borrowing had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
noticeable fluctuation, it
was calculated
roughly 600
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
.
However
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period it
is estimated
to increase by 150
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
, whereas the grant and subsidies
were made
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
financial level, which was
nearly
400
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in 2012. Although, in 2016 the expense of local
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
was double as opposed to 2012,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2022 it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to fall down again and reached at 500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
.
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IELTS academic The line graph below gives information about financial expenditure of local organisation in New zealand in between the year of 2012 to 2022.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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