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the line chart shows the urbanization rate in South Korea and Indonesia .

the line chart shows the urbanization rate in South Korea and Indonesia. GrYNw
The line graph illustrates the percentage of urbanisation in two countries: South Korea and Indonesia from 1969 to 2009. It is clear that the proportion of both countries experienced overall increase in the urbanisation rate. In South Korea is almost higher than Indonesia over the years. It can be seen that the rate of urbanisation in South Korea was sharply rose during the period between 1969 and 1989. There was a slight increase in the rate of urbanisation Indonesia during the period between 1969 and 1989. In 1969, both countries has the lowest proportion around 20 percent of South Korea was urbanisaton rate, compared to approximate 27 percent of Indonesia urbanisation. There was a rise of over 30% in the rate of urbanisation in Indonesia from 1969 to 2009. In 2009, the rate of urbanisation has the highest in South Korea and in Indonesia, over 80% and just over 50% respectively
The line graph illustrates the percentage of
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
in two countries: South Korea and Indonesia from 1969 to 2009. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the proportion of both countries experienced
overall
increase in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. In South Korea is almost higher than Indonesia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the years.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
in South Korea was
sharply
Consider using a past participle here: "risen".
rose
during the period between 1969 and 1989. There was a slight increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
Indonesia during the period between 1969 and 1989. In 1969, both countries has the lowest proportion around 20 percent of South Korea was
Possible spelling mistake found.
urbanisaton
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rate
, compared to approximate 27 percent of Indonesia
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
.

There was a rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
30% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
in Indonesia from 1969 to 2009. In 2009, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
has the highest in South Korea and in Indonesia,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
80% and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
50%
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
respectively

IELTS academic the line chart shows the urbanization rate in South Korea and Indonesia.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
150 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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