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The City Hospital Map in 2008 and 2010

The City Hospital Map in 2008 and 2010 x0Mx9
These two figures illustrate a comparison between the city hospital maps in two different years. Although the ring road surrounding the hospital remained the same, there have been many changes in the layout of the parking lots for both the public and staff. First of all, they seprated the staff car park from the public, which was a good decision. I guess the new public car park makes drop-offs and pick-ups easier for the patients. As it shows, they have located a bus station near the city hospital. Therefore, the hospital is more accessible for the people who use public transportations. The new additional roundabouts on the north and south side of the bus station have made the roads even more convinient. Overall, they have considerably improved the access to the hospital in 2010.
These two figures illustrate a comparison between the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
maps in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years. Although the ring road surrounding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
remained the same, there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the layout of the parking lots for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
and staff.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they
Possible spelling mistake found.
seprated
the staff car park from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, which was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision. I guess the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
car park
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
drop-offs and pick-ups easier for the patients. As it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, they have located a bus station near the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
is more accessible for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportations. The new additional roundabouts on the north and south side of the bus station have made the roads even more
Possible spelling mistake found.
convinient
.
Overall
, they have
considerably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the access to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
in 2010.

IELTS academic The City Hospital Map in 2008 and 2010

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
134 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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