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The line chart illustrates how many people participated in the Olympic games between 1924 to 2012

The line chart illustrates how many people participated in the Olympic games between 1924 to 2012 lRq81
The line chart illustrates how many people participated in the Olympic games between 1924 to 2012 whereas the bar chart divides them into two groups based on gender in the same period. Overall, the number of contributors climbed significantly. Furthermore, the growth of female participants was much more considerable than that of males and the numerical difference reduced significantly between the two groups. To begin, the total number of participants was around 3000 in 1924. This number grew in 1952 and followed by another rise in 1984. Finally, the most striking growth occurred in 2012, when the figure hit its highest point and increased from around 7000 in 1984 to just over 10000 in 2012. The number of men augmented steadily and it almost doubled in 2012 compared to 1924. In addition, the number of women had the same pattern until 1984 and it tripled between 1984 to 2012. More than that, the discrepancy decreased continuously in these years and the slightest difference was recorded in 2012.
The line chart illustrates how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
participated in the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1924 and 2012".
between 1924 to 2012
whereas the bar chart divides them into two groups based on gender in the same period.
Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of contributors climbed
significantly
.
Furthermore
, the growth of female participants was much more considerable than that of males and the numerical difference
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
between the two groups.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of participants was around 3000 in 1924. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
grew in 1952 and followed by another rise in 1984.
Finally
, the most striking growth occurred in 2012, when the figure hit its highest point and increased from around 7000 in 1984 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 10000 in 2012.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
augmented
steadily
and it almost doubled in 2012 compared to 1924.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of women had the same pattern until 1984 and it tripled
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1984 and 2012".
between 1984 to 2012
. More than that, the discrepancy decreased
continuously
in these years and the slightest difference
was recorded
in 2012.
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IELTS academic The line chart illustrates how many people participated in the Olympic games between 1924 to 2012

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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