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The bar chart illustrates the information on gender (males and females) who attended the Olympics

The bar chart illustrates the information on gender (males and females) who attended the Olympics kgL5n
The bar chart illustrates the information on gender (males and females) who attended the Olympics while the line graph shows the number of people who entered the Games for a century. Overall, it can be seen from the charts that participation went up among both gender, whit a substantial growth rate among women towards the second part of the period given. As per the first chart, the number of men who attended the games is more than female women all through the period since the game began. This increased from 3000 in 1924 to 6000 in 2012. The number of women who participated remained well below till 1984 but occurred a remarkable growth in their number in 2012. On the other hand, the line graph demonstrates that the number of participations climbed considerably over the century especially in 1989 and 2012. In 2012 arrived at just over 10000. The bar chart illustrates the information on gender (males and females) who attended the Olympics while the line graph shows the number of people who entered the Games for a century. Overall, it can be seen from the charts that participation went up among both gender, whit a substantial growth rate among women towards the second part of the period given.
The bar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
illustrates the information on gender (males and females)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
attended the Olympics while the line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
entered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
for a century.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
that participation went up among both gender, whit a substantial growth rate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
towards the second part of the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

As per the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
attended the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is more than female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
all through the period since the game began. This increased from 3000 in 1924 to 6000 in 2012. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participated remained well below till 1984
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
occurred a remarkable growth in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
in 2012.

On the other hand
, the line graph demonstrates that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
participations
climbed
considerably
over the century
especially
in 1989 and 2012. In 2012 arrived at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 10000.

The bar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
illustrates the information on gender (males and females)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
attended the Olympics while the line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
entered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
for a century.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
that participation went up among both gender, whit a substantial growth rate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
towards the second part of the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates the information on gender (males and females) who attended the Olympics

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
209 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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