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the information about the recruitment of teachers in Ontario

the information about the recruitment of teachers in Ontario YgR7m
The line graph illustrates the figure of junior lecturers electing jobs such as teachers of English and French in Ontario over a 6-year period. Overall, teachers going for educating English language had the plunge percent during six years, and the opposite was true for teachers indoctrinating French language from 2001 to 2007. Looking at the graph in detail, for English teachers, in 2001 there was a highest peak at approximately 72% before going down suddenly to 40% in 2003 and this was followed by a gradual fall to about 27% 4 years later. Regarding the table, the percentage of teachers employing French language in Ontario occupied 70% at the beginning of the period. However, over the next year, it declined to roughly 51%, following by a fluctuation to 75% in 2007.
The line graph illustrates the figure of junior lecturers electing jobs such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
of English and French in Ontario over a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
6-year
period.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
going for educating English language had the plunge percent during six years, and the opposite was true for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
indoctrinating French language from 2001 to 2007.

Looking at the graph in detail, for English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, in 2001 there was
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
highest peak at approximately 72%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going down
suddenly
to 40% in 2003 and this
was followed
by a gradual fall to about 27% 4 years later.

Regarding the table, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
employing French language in Ontario occupied 70% at the beginning of the period.
However
, over the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, it declined to roughly 51%, following by a fluctuation to 75% in 2007.
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IELTS academic the information about the recruitment of teachers in Ontario

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
131 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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