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The diagram below compares two diferent systems of energy production – a conventional system and one that uses natural gas as the source of power

The diagram below compares two diferent systems of energy production – a conventional system and one that uses natural gas as the source of power 0pwDB
The diagram illustrates the comparison between two different lines of energy production, one is a traditional system and the remaining is natural gas-fired system. As can be seen clearly that, the conventional system involves a thermal power plant and it also has 56% heat is unused and wasted. Then, traanmission cables are made to allow the power to pass thorough and 4% of energy is lost at this step. As a result, at the en of the process, only, 40% of power is ultilized as electrical energy. In term of the remainging system, the source of power is natural gas and this power comes from the LNG terminal. After being come to the gas engine thorugh a pipeline, the power is produced to ultilize as electrical energy just ocupies only 20-45% and just only 30-60% power is used for thermal energy. This means that only 10-30% of energy is lost. Overall, just only 40$ of power that the conventional system generates is used. However, the system based on natural gas has 70-90% of energy is used. This means that the overall energy efiency of traditional system is less efficient that the cogneration system.
The diagram illustrates the comparison between two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lines of
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energy
production, one is a traditional
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system
and the remaining is natural gas-fired system.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
that, the conventional
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system
involves a thermal
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power
plant and it
also
has 56% heat
is unused
and wasted. Then,
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traanmission
cables
are made
to
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allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
to pass thorough and 4% of
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energy
is lost
at this step.
As a result
, at the en of the process,
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only
, 40% of
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power
is
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ultilized
as electrical energy.

In term of the
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remainging
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system
, the source of
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power
is natural gas and this
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power
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the LNG terminal. After being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the gas engine
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thorugh
a pipeline, the
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power
is produced
to
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ultilize
as electrical
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energy
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just
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ocupies
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only
20-45% and
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just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
30-60%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for thermal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. This means that
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only
10-30% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is lost
.

Overall
,
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just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$40".
40$
of
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power
that the conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
generates is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
However
, the
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system
based on natural gas has 70-90% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. This means that the
overall
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energy
Possible spelling mistake found.
efiency
of traditional
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system
is less efficient that the
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cogneration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
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IELTS academic The diagram below compares two diferent systems of energy production – a conventional system and one that uses natural gas as the source of power

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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