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global sales of different types of digital games from 2000-2006

global sales of different types of digital games from 2000-2006 VQyjO
This graph illustrates the global sales of various types of digital games from the time period of 2000-2006. Overall, it was observed that the handheld and online games sales was increased every year. Likely, in cell phone games a drastic rise was seen. On the contrary console games lost its market value every year. In this time period, hand controlled games were seen to increase from a sale of $11 bn to $17 bn, a rapid rise was observed in this area. Furthermore, online games were not at all sold in 2000 but started to have market price of $1 bn in 2001 to $8 bn in 2006. Depicting the sales of mobile phone games which was not bought in the market from 2000 to 2001, had its increase in sale from 2002 to 2006 and went from $1 bn to $7 bn. Console games sales were seen to have a gradual fall; it lost its value and went from $5 bn to $3 bn.
This graph illustrates the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of various types of digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
from the time period of 2000-2006.

Overall
, it
was observed
that the handheld and online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
was increased
every year. Likely, in cell phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
a drastic rise was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.
On the contrary
console
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
lost its market value every year.

In this time period, hand controlled
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games
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to increase from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of $11
Possible spelling mistake found.
bn
to $17
Possible spelling mistake found.
bn
, a rapid rise
was observed
in this area.
Furthermore
, online
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games
were not at all sold in 2000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to have market price of $1
Possible spelling mistake found.
bn
in 2001 to $8
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bn
in 2006. Depicting the
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sales
of mobile phone
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games
which was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
in the market from 2000 to 2001, had its increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
from 2002 to 2006 and went from $1
Possible spelling mistake found.
bn
to $7
Possible spelling mistake found.
bn
.

Console
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to have a gradual fall; it lost its value and went from $5
Possible spelling mistake found.
bn
to $3
Possible spelling mistake found.
bn
.
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IELTS academic global sales of different types of digital games from 2000-2006

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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