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the industry process of using sugar cane to produce sugar.

the industry process of using sugar cane to produce sugar. p1Vmm
The given diagram illustrates the industry process of using sugar cane to produce sugar. Across the board, the crucial part of this procedure is the sugar cane as it provides the source of sugar. It crosses over some stages in order to become sugar in the end. Firstly, the manufacturing process commences by planting sugar canes and letting them grow for 12-18 months. Secondly, it is being harvested either way, manual or by using machines. The next stage is to crush those sugar canes by another machine; nonetheless, it turns into juice. Although it is already crushed and became juice, it has to be filtered from any dirt so, they use limestone juice in order to purify that juice. Subsequently, the evaporation phase is done to reclaim that juice into syrup. There are some crystals in that syrup that are pure sugar, so, the centrifuge is used to separate it from the syrup. Finally, that sugar goes through the cycle of drying and cooling; however, the process is done.
The
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given
diagram illustrates the industry process of using
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sugar
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cane
to produce sugar.

Across the board, the crucial part of this procedure is the
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sugar
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cane
as it provides the source of
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sugar
. It crosses over
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some
stages in order to become
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sugar
in the
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end
.

Firstly
, the manufacturing process commences by planting
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sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
canes
and letting them grow for 12-18 months.
Secondly
, it is
being harvested
either way, manual or by using machines. The
next
stage is to crush those
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sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
canes
by another machine; nonetheless, it turns into juice.

Although it is already crushed and became
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juice
, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be filtered
from any dirt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
limestone
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juice
in order to purify that
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juice
.
Subsequently
, the evaporation phase
is done
to reclaim that
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juice
into syrup. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crystals in that syrup that are pure
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sugar
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the centrifuge is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to separate it from the syrup.
Finally
, that
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sugar
goes through the cycle of drying and cooling;
however
, the process
is done
.
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IELTS academic the industry process of using sugar cane to produce sugar.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
169 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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