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The bar chart below shows the average duration of housework women did when compared to men who had full-time work in the UK between 1985 and 2005 .

The bar chart below shows the average duration of housework women did when compared to men who had full-time work in the UK between 1985 and 2005. XlaAY
The chart compared data of the housework women with full-time job's men in the UK over the 20 years. From an overall perspective, it can be seen apparent that, the vast majority of houseworks were done by unemployed women. By contrast men who had the full-time job were reluctant to do these tasks. The figure for unemployed women was the highest hours in all years, it was 7 and 6. 5 in ( 1985, 2005) and 1995 respectively. whereas that of men with full-time job was the lowest hours in all year, and it rose moderately from 1 hour to 1. 5 hours between 1985 and 2005. The number of hours for both groups of women with job had decreased about 0. 5 hour from 1985 to 1995. After which it decreased about 1 hour from 1995 to 2005. The figure for men was remained stable at 1 hour in 1985 and 1995. However it experienced a moderate increase from 1to 1. 5.
The chart compared data of the housework
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
with full-time job's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in the UK over the 20 years. From an
overall
perspective, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
apparent that, the vast majority of
Possible spelling mistake found.
houseworks
were done
by unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. By contrast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who had the full-time job were reluctant to do these tasks.

The figure for unemployed
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women
was the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in all years, it was 7 and 6. 5 in
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
1985, 2005) and 1995
respectively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
with full-time job was the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in all year, and it rose
moderately
from 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
to 1. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
between 1985 and 2005.

The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for both groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
with job had decreased about 0. 5
Possible agreement error. The noun 'hour' seems to be countable, so consider using: "hours".
hour
from 1985 to 1995.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
which it decreased about 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
from 1995 to 2005.

The figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
was remained
stable at 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
in 1985 and 1995.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it experienced a moderate increase from 1to 1. 5.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the average duration of housework women did when compared to men who had full-time work in the UK between 1985 and 2005.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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