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the illustrations show how chocolate is produced.

the illustrations show how chocolate is produced. Kr5M
The diagram presents the manufacturing process of chocolate. Cocoa trees are mostly grown in South America, Africa, Indonesia and so on. When pods possess red colour, it means they are ripe and ready for harvest. After gathering pods secondly shell is removed, then white cocoa beans are taken out. Thirdly, they are fermented and afterwards, spread out on a ground in order to dry in the sun. Before loading to transport, cocoa beans are puting in sacks. Usually, trains or lories are used for delivering operation. Following this, they are taken to the factories, roasting process starts and they are roasted in big ovens at high degree such as 350 C. Afterwards beans are crushed by speacial technology and for removing the outer shell. Finally, after getting inner part of beans, they are ready for producing a liqued chocolate consequently, inner part is pressed with great power and as a result liqued chocolate is possessed.
The diagram presents the manufacturing process of chocolate. Cocoa trees are
mostly
grown in South America, Africa, Indonesia and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. When pods possess red
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
, it means they are ripe and ready for harvest. After gathering pods
secondly
shell
is removed
, then white cocoa
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beans
are taken
out.
Thirdly
, they
are fermented
and afterwards, spread out on a ground in order to dry in the sun.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
loading to transport, cocoa
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beans
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
puting
in sacks.
Usually
, trains or
Possible spelling mistake found.
lories
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for delivering operation.

Following this, they
are taken
to the factories, roasting process
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
starts and
they
are roasted
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
ovens at high degree such as 350 C. Afterwards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beans
are crushed
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
speacial
technology and for removing the outer shell.
Finally
, after getting inner part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beans
, they are ready for producing a
Possible spelling mistake found.
liqued
chocolate
consequently
, inner part
is pressed
with great power and
as a result
Possible spelling mistake found.
liqued
chocolate
is possessed
.

IELTS academic the illustrations show how chocolate is produced.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
155 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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