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percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010 0Oy1

1 The bar chart demonstrates the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. When analyzing the given data, it has a rapid decreasing trend in first three age limits in Male but there after it increases gradually till age limit 55 to 64 and has gone down in age limit 65 and over. As a comparison, it can be mentioned that Female engages activities than male

1 The bar chart demonstrates the percentage of Australian This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsresidentscitizens
men
 and women in This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:various
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withyouthmaturitylifeold age
age
 groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. When analyzing the This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :accorded
given
 data, it has a rapid decreasing trend in first
 three You use this word too often, consider replacing it withyouthmaturitylifeold age
age
 limits in Male This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:on the contrary
but
Did you mean "thereafter" (= adverb, 'after that')?thereafter
there after
 it increases gradually
 till You use this word too often, consider replacing it withyouthmaturitylifeold age
age
 limit 55 to 64 and has gone down in You use this word too often, consider replacing it withyouthmaturitylifeold age
age
 limit 65 and over. As a comparison, it can be mentioned
 that Female engages activities than Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraphmale.male!male?male:male,male;
male

IELTS academic percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

Academic

American English

1 paragraphs

75 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
?
Include an introduction and conclusion
?
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
?
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.0

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 5.5

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
?
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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