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The given bar charts show what the graduates from history and engineering majors of a university were doing after half a year of their graduation- in two different years.

The given bar charts show what the graduates from history and engineering majors of a university were doing after half a year of their graduation- in two different years. oeeV
The given bar charts show what the graduates from history and engineering majors of a university were doing after half a year of their graduation- in two different years. It can be clearly seen from the graphs that, majority of students of both group doing job but unemployment rate is slightly high in engineering grade. To begin, about 63% history graduate started working after six months in first year as well as about 73% engineering also employed. In both years, high percentage of history graduates continued their education than engineering graduates. Furthermore, majority of history alumni took their time out, around 8% to be exact, than the engineering graduates, who accounted for around 3%. Approximately one out of every ten engineering graduates was looking for jobs, which was more than double the proportion of history graduate seeking work. In the second year, a slightly higher percentage of both groups had jobs and a fewer were enrolled in further studies than in the first year.
The
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given
bar charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
what the
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graduates
from
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history
and
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engineering
majors of a university were doing after half a
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year
of their graduation- in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years. It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graphs that, majority of students of both group doing job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unemployment rate is
slightly
high in
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engineering
grade.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, about 63%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working after six months in
first
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year
as well
as about 73%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
also
employed. In both years, high percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
continued their education than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
.
Furthermore
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
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history
alumni took their time out, around 8% to be exact, than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
, who accounted for around 3%.

Approximately one out of every ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
was looking for jobs, which was more than double the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
seeking work. In the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, a
slightly
higher percentage of both groups had jobs and a fewer
were enrolled
in
further
studies than in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
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IELTS academic The given bar charts show what the graduates from history and engineering majors of a university were doing after half a year of their graduation- in two different years.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
164 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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