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The Gross Domestic Product from IT and Service Industry of the UK from 1992 to 2000

The Gross Domestic Product from IT and Service Industry of the UK from 1992 to 2000 O630p
The bar chart illustrates the differences between two industries’ contributions as percentages to the whole British’s GDP, from 1992 to 2000. The overall trend is that the IT industry tends to have higher percentages compared to the service industry. it is obvious that from 1992 to 1994 that the IT industry has a higher percentage comparing to the service industry, with an increase of 2% in 1994. but in 1996 the IT industry slightly dropped. However, for the service industry, the biggest increase is from 1992 to 1994 which is about 2%. then in 1996, it grew slightly. After 1996, the IT industry is still bigger than the service industry. It also rose sharply to its highest peak and it doubled its growth in 1992. similar to the first 4 years the service industry grew slightly throughout the years.
The bar chart illustrates the differences between two
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industries’
contributions as percentages to the whole British’s GDP, from 1992 to 2000. The
overall
trend is that the IT
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industry
tends to have higher percentages compared to the
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service
industry.

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it
is obvious that from 1992 to 1994 that the IT
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industry
has a higher percentage comparing to the
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service
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industry
, with an increase of 2% in 1994.
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but
in 1996 the IT
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industry
slightly
dropped.
However
, for the
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service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
, the biggest increase is from 1992 to 1994 which is about 2%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
then
in 1996, it grew
slightly
.

After 1996, the IT
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industry
is
still
bigger than the
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service
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industry
. It
also
rose
sharply
to its highest peak and it doubled its growth in 1992.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
similar
to the
first
4 years the
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service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
grew
slightly
throughout the years.
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IELTS academic The Gross Domestic Product from IT and Service Industry of the UK from 1992 to 2000

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
139 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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