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The graphs shows US household spending patterns in 1966 and 1996

The graphs shows US household spending patterns in 1966 and 1996 d9Qkp
The pie graph illustrates the information about spending pattern of the US home from 1966 through 1996. It can be seen that there are seven categories of Books, computers, furniture, restaurant, petrol, cars and food. Each of these has a different percentage. Food had a higher rate, while the computer had a lower rate. What is stand out is the food had about 44 % which was significantly more than computers. The second higher percentage is cars approximately 23%. Furniture and petrol have only 1% that apart from each other. In pie chart shows that the restaurant is about 7 % and books are 6%. Also there only 1% apart from other. Lastly, computers had a lower rate which is just 1%. in the conclusion of spending in US family is that food are essential for household and had the greatest per cent aon, in another hand computers was not important things for the home. which show a worse proportion.
The pie graph illustrates the information about spending pattern of the US home from 1966 through 1996.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there are seven categories of Books, computers, furniture, restaurant, petrol, cars and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Each of these has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
percentage.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
had a higher rate, while the computer had a lower rate.

What is stand out is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
had about 44 % which was
significantly
more than computers. The second higher percentage is cars approximately 23%. Furniture and petrol have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% that apart from each other.

In pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the restaurant is about 7 % and books are 6%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% apart from other.
Lastly
, computers had a lower rate which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
1%.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
the conclusion of spending in US family is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are essential for household and had the greatest per cent
Possible spelling mistake found.
aon
, in another hand computers was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things for the home.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a worse proportion.
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IELTS academic The graphs shows US household spending patterns in 1966 and 1996

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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