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interest to physical activity declined to their minimum

interest to physical activity declined to their minimum 2ae6b
The bar chart below compares the interest of daily work out between men and women in Australia in different age groups in 2010. This investigation was done on people who were over 15 years old. the bar chart is divided into 6 groups and any group cover 9 years. In the first group, boys by 52. 8%, show their maximum interest among all ages, but girls approximately had 5% fewer than boys. The percentage of male physical activity decrease to their minimum amount in third group (39. 5%). In contrast, the importance of work out increased among females (reached 52. 5). In group 4, the percentage of physical activity for both female and male increased to 53. 3% and 43. 1% respectively. The interest to physical activity declined to their minimum amount (47. 1%) for over 65 years old woman, on the other hand, this amount increased to 46. 7 for same ages male. To sum up, in the middle age groups men experienced fewer physical activity than women.
The bar chart below compares the interest of daily work out between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in Australia in
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different
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age
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groups
in 2010.

This investigation
was done
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who were over 15 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
bar chart
is divided
into 6
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groups
and any
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group
cover 9 years. In the
first
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group
, boys by 52. 8%,
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show
their maximum interest among all
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ages
,
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but
girls approximately had 5% fewer than boys. The percentage of male
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physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
decrease to their minimum amount in third
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group
(39. 5%).
In contrast
, the importance of work out increased among females (reached 52. 5).

In
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group
4, the percentage of
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physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for both female and male increased to 53. 3% and 43. 1%
respectively
. The interest to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
declined to their minimum amount (47. 1%) for over 65 years
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old
woman,
on the other hand
, this amount increased to 46. 7 for same
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ages
male.

To sum up, in the middle
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
experienced fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
than women.
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IELTS academic interest to physical activity declined to their minimum

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
169 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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