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The graphs show the number of teens (13 - 17 years) and adults (18 years and above) who attended the cinema in Singapore between 2000 and 2010

The graphs show the number of teens (13 - 17 years) and adults (18 years and above) who attended the cinema in Singapore between 2000 and 2010 x0LGy
The bar chart demonstrates the figure of watching in the cinema in Singapore at two different of age group during 10 year-period. Overall, it can be seen that the figure of teens (13-17 years old) in 2005 and adults (18 years old or over) in 2007 were the highest. The major trends of age have fluctuated from 2000 to 2010, but the figure of both similar in 2008. From 2000 to 2005, the figure after 2000 had steady until 2005 of teens. Whilst the trend figures of adults had transformed and the least approximately 8, 000 in 2002. Afterwards both of age in 2002 has risen quickly in condition of reaching the highest point around 65, 000 in 2005. Turning to between 2005 and 2010, the figure of adults has oscillated which a maintain the same number for 20, 000 in 2005 and 2006. Whereas it has grown up in 2007 and plummeted away in 2008 which the figure as same as by 20, 000 in both of ages, then teens turn to climbing in 2009 and 2010.
The bar chart demonstrates the
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figure
of watching in the

cinema in Singapore at two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
of age group during 10

year-period.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
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figure
of teens (13-17 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
)

in 2005 and adults (18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
or over) in 2007 were the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
highest
. The major trends of age have fluctuated from 2000 to

2010,
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but
the
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figure
of both similar in 2008.

From 2000 to 2005, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
after 2000 had steady until 2005

of teens. Whilst the trend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
of adults had transformed

and the least approximately 8, 000 in 2002. Afterwards both of

age in 2002 has risen
quickly
in condition of reaching the

highest point around 65, 000 in 2005.

Turning to between 2005 and 2010, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of adults has

oscillated which
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'maintain' is correct. If 'maintain' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a maintain
the same number for 20, 000 in

2005 and 2006. Whereas it has grown up in 2007 and

plummeted away in 2008 which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
as same as by 20, 000

in both of ages, then teens turn to climbing in 2009 and 2010.

IELTS academic The graphs show the number of teens (13 - 17 years) and adults (18 years and above) who attended the cinema in Singapore between 2000 and 2010

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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