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figure of entries to two different music websites, namely Music Choice and Pop Parade in 15 days

figure of entries to two different music websites, namely Music Choice and Pop Parade in 15 days GrARe
The diagram depicts the comparison in the figure of entries to two different music websites, namely Music Choice and Pop Parade in 15 days. In general, both sites experienced an upward fluctuated trend and eventually, the Pop Parade number was substantially higher. As the graph show, the number of visits to Pop Parade started at about 120. 000. Then in the next 8 following days, its figure witnessed a downward fluctuated trend, which drop the figure considerably to 40. 000 in day 9. Following this, its increased sharply to over 140. 000 within 2 days. In day 13 the figure was 80. 000, however, its bounced back and finished at about 170. 000 in the last day. On the other hand, Music Choice’s number fluctuated marginally from day 1 to day 11 at 40. 000 to over 20. 000 visits. Additionally, the figure rose substantially approximately six-time in the next day, however, decreased in the rest of the period and stop at nearly 80. 000 entries in the last day.
The diagram depicts the comparison in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of entries to two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
music websites,
namely
Music Choice and Pop Parade in 15 days.
In general
, both sites experienced an upward fluctuated trend and
eventually
, the Pop Parade number was
substantially
higher.

As the graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, the number of visits to Pop Parade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at about 120. 000. Then in the
next
8 following days, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
witnessed a downward fluctuated trend, which drop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
considerably
to 40. 000 in day 9. Following this, its increased
sharply
to over 140. 000 within 2 days. In day 13 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
was 80. 000,
however
, its bounced back and finished at about 170. 000 in the last day.

On the other hand
, Music Choice’s number fluctuated
marginally
from day 1 to day 11 at 40. 000 to over 20. 000 visits.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
rose
substantially
approximately six-time in the
next
day,
however
, decreased in the rest of the period and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
at
nearly
80. 000 entries in the last day.
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IELTS academic figure of entries to two different music websites, namely Music Choice and Pop Parade in 15 days

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
170 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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