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The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

The graph illustrates admissions of students in australian universities in the categories of local and abroad over a ten year period from 2001 to 2010. Overall, the graph of overseas and local nationals experience a gradual and steady increase throughout the period with minor fluctuations in the graph of local people. In the year 2001, there were 20, 000 local students enrolled in the australian universities which gradually increased to an approximate number of 82000 by 2010. In the year 2003, the graph is evidenced to experience a slight increase in the number of admissions approximately by 3000 students per year. Whereas, the average increase throughout is approximately 5000 students in an year. The timeline 2008-2009 experiences a rapid surge in the number by 10, 000 students later on in the next year period (2009-2010) the increase in the number was not as much as before but was significant by enrolling students accounting to a number of 7000 (approximately). The number of overseas students in the year 2001 was approximately 11000 which experienced a significant increase throught out he upcoming years accounting to 41000 students in the year 2010 with an average increase of 2000 students per year. The timeline 2008-2009 experiences a hge amount of increase in the international student admissions accounting to 8000 students (approximately).
The
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graph
illustrates admissions of
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students
in
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australian
universities in the categories of
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local
and abroad over a ten
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year
period from 2001 to 2010.

Overall
, the
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graph
of overseas and
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local
nationals
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experience
a gradual and steady
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increase
throughout the period with minor fluctuations in the
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graph
of
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local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In the
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year
2001, there were 20, 000
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local
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students
enrolled in the
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australian
universities which
gradually
increased to an approximate
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number
of 82000 by 2010. In the
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year
2003, the
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graph
is evidenced
to
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experience
a slight
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increase
in the
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number
of admissions
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approximately
by 3000
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students
per
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year
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the average
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increase
throughout is
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approximately
5000
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students
in
Use “a” instead of ‘an’ if the following word doesn’t start with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘a sentence’, ‘a university’.
an
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year
. The timeline 2008-2009
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experiences
a rapid surge in the
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number
by 10, 000
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students
later on in the
next
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year
period (2009-2010) the
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increase
in the
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number
was not as much as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
was significant by enrolling
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students
accounting to a
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number
of 7000 (approximately).

The
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number
of overseas
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students
in the
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year
2001 was
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approximately
11000 which experienced a significant
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increase
Possible spelling mistake found.
throught out
Did you mean “the” or “his”?
he
upcoming years accounting to 41000
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students
in the
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year
2010 with an average
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increase
of 2000
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students
per
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year
. The timeline 2008-2009
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experiences
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
hge
amount of
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increase
in the international
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student
admissions accounting to 8000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(approximately)
.
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IELTS academic The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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