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The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. BBR6
According to the overseas student graph, there was a drastic increase in the total number of students from 2001 to 2010, approximately a 30% increase. Also, an increase in the commencing students can be observed over these 10 years but remained almost constant in the years 2009 and 2010. As seen in the local students' graph, an increase can be seen in the total number of students, but not as much as the overseas students. A fluctuation can be seen in the commencing students in the duration of 10 years. The total number of students remained constant from the year 2007 till 2010. Even though commencing started with a great increase rate in 2002, it did fall in the next following years. When both graphs are compared, is seen that the locals are dominating in numbers in both the categories, but the percent increase is greater in the international students. There is always a drastic increase in the overseas student graph and never a fall, unlike the local students.
According to the overseas
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student
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graph
, there was a drastic
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increase
in the total
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number
of
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students
from 2001 to 2010, approximately a 30%
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increase
.
Also
, an
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increase
in the commencing
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students
can
be observed
over these 10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
remained almost constant in the years 2009 and 2010.

As
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seen
in the local students'
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graph
, an
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increase
can be
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seen
in the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not as much as the overseas
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students
. A fluctuation can be
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seen
in the commencing
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students
in the duration of 10 years. The total
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
remained constant from the
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year
2007 till 2010.

Even though
commencing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with a great
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increase
rate in 2002, it did fall in the
next
following years.

When both
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graphs
are compared
, is
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seen
that the locals are dominating in
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numbers
in both the categories,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the percent
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increase
is greater in the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. There is always a drastic
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increase
in the overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
and never a fall, unlike the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.

IELTS academic The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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