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The graph shows the way people invested their money during 2001 and 2006

The graph shows the way people invested their money during 2001 and 2006 lXBOK
The money invested in stock market by the people of some country from 2001 to 2006 has been illustrated in the given bar graph. At a fleeting glance, the investment of money in bonds in some country stood at 100 billion in 2001, which was increasing and reaching 162 billions in 2005. Then, it remained rose and the figures reached to 188 billion in 2006. Moving towards stocks, the amount of money was invested by people on this option was the highest 317 billion in 2006, being followed by the year 2005 with 297 billion. However, the statistics for 2004 were 289 billion that were 62 billion more than that of 2003 and far greater in the comparison of 2002. At last, around 210 billion money invested in stocks by some country’s people. Overview, it is clear that the amount of money invested in stocks was considered to be more than bonds in the given times of period
The
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money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invested
in stock market by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
country from 2001 to 2006 has
been illustrated
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph.

At a fleeting glance, the investment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in bonds in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
country stood at 100
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billion
in 2001, which was increasing and reaching 162
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billions
in 2005. Then, it remained rose and the figures reached to 188
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
in 2006.

Moving towards stocks, the amount of
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money
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invested
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on this option was the highest 317
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billion
in 2006,
being followed
by the year 2005 with 297
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billion
.
However
, the statistics for 2004 were 289
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billion
that were 62
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billion
more than that of 2003 and far greater in the comparison of 2002. At last, around 210
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invested
in stocks by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
country’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Overview, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invested
in stocks
was considered
to be more than bonds in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
times of period
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IELTS academic The graph shows the way people invested their money during 2001 and 2006

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
157 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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