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The graph shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph shows us the population proportion and the differences between Three countries. first, the country with the most most proportion in 1940' was USA (9%) after USA was Sweden(7%) and last was Japan(5%). throughout the years 1940 and 2040 the population of Sweden was older and then she became to be the country with the old majority population in 2020(17%). Second, the young genration is not interest to be a parten alike in the past and that is reason why in the future Japan will be with the highest proportion of the population aged 65 and over (27%). in conclusion japan had many years with lower places but since the young now they are the old the numbers of them raise up.
The graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
us the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
proportion and the differences between Three countries.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
first
, the country with the
Use only "most" (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
most most
proportion in 1940' was USA (9%)
A determiner is probably missing here: "after the USA".
after USA
was Sweden(7%) and last was Japan(5%).

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
throughout
the years 1940 and 2040 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of Sweden was
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
older and
then she became to be the country with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
majority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in 2020(17%).

Second, the young
Possible spelling mistake found.
genration
is not interest to be a
Possible spelling mistake found.
parten
alike in the past and
that is
reason why in the future Japan will be with the highest proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
aged 65 and over (27%).

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion japan had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years with lower places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
since the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
the numbers of them raise up.

IELTS academic The graph shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
123 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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