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The graph shows the percentage of population working in air-conditioned environments.

The graph shows the percentage of population working in air-conditioned environments. WnGO5
The bar chart indicates the percentage of people working in air-conditioned environments. They compare between 1990 and 2010 in five different continents. By the year 2010, all continents increase the number of air-conditioned environments. To begin with, in 1990, Africa had only 9% of air-conditioned environment while North America had 9 times of Africa. South America and Asia had similar number of people work in air-conditioned areas. Europe had slightly more than three-fifth. In 2010, the most significant change occurred in Asia that there were 66 percent increased. According to the chart, North America and Europe had also raised from 81 to 83 and from 67 to 71 respectively. The other two continents, Africa and South America had less than 20 percent change in 20 years which was lower than any other continents. To conclude, as mentioned above, it shows a percentage expand on all continents. Therefore, it can be predicted that in the future the number will continue to enlarge.
The bar chart indicates the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air-conditioned
environments. They compare between 1990 and 2010 in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continents
. By the year 2010, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continents
increase the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air-conditioned
environments. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in 1990, Africa had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
9% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air-conditioned
environment while North America had 9 times of Africa. South America and Asia had similar number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air-conditioned
areas. Europe had
slightly
more than three-fifth. In 2010, the most significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
occurred in Asia that there were 66 percent increased. According to the chart, North America and Europe had
also
raised from 81 to 83 and from 67 to 71
respectively
. The other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continents
, Africa and South America had less than 20 percent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in 20 years which was lower than any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continents
.
To conclude
, as mentioned above, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a percentage expand on all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continents
.
Therefore
, it can
be predicted
that in the future the number will continue to enlarge.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the percentage of population working in air-conditioned environments.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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