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The graph shows the percentage of people who have had occupations in three sectors:

The graph shows the percentage of people who have had occupations in three sectors: DYdeE
The graph shows the percentage of people who have had occupations in three sectors: public sector, private sector, and self-employed in the UK for ten years since 2000. Overall, what stands out from the graph is that there was a steady increase in the employment rates of both the public sector and the self-employed, while the percentage of private cars saw a significant decrease over the period in question. It is clear that employment rates in the public sector saw a rapid increase of around 40% in 2000 to 48% in 2005, then there was a slight decrease over the next year. After that, the figure went up slightly, finishing at above 50% in 2010. Look at the self-employed. The trend was similar. Having remained stable at approximately 20% in the first five years, there was a sharp growth in the next five years, peaking at 30% in both 2009 and 2010. By contrast, the percentage of people who have jobs in the private sector went in the opposite direction. Taking the highest number of 50% in 2000, the employment rate fell sharply to just under 20% in 2010.
The graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have had occupations in three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
: public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
, private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
, and self-employed in the UK for ten years since 2000.

Overall
, what stands out from the graph is that there was a steady increase in the employment rates of both the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
and the self-employed, while the percentage of private cars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a significant decrease over the period in question.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that employment rates in the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a rapid increase of around 40% in 2000 to 48% in 2005, then there was a slight decrease over the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. After that, the figure went up
slightly
, finishing at above 50% in 2010. Look at the self-employed. The trend was similar. Having remained stable at approximately 20% in the
first
five years, there was a sharp growth in the
next
five years, peaking at 30% in both 2009 and 2010.

By contrast, the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have jobs in the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
went in the opposite direction. Taking the highest number of 50% in 2000, the employment rate fell
sharply
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 20% in 2010.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the percentage of people who have had occupations in three sectors:

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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