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The graph shows the percentage of people aged over 60 in Canada, Finland and Korea between 1950 and 2050.

The graph shows the percentage of people aged over 60 in Canada, Finland and Korea between 1950 and 2050. Yjnj
The graph shows the percentage of people aged 60 and over in Canada, Finland and Korea between 1950 and 2050. The number of people aged above 60 in Canada and Finland follows a remarkably similar trend. In 1950 both countries had 7-9% of their population aged 60 or above and the percentage increased steadily until 2050 when both countries are expected to have around 25% of their population aged 60 or above. In contrast, Korea had only 5% of its population aged 60 or over in 1950. This number dropped slightly in the subsequent years and only recovered to the 0 5 10 15 20 25 30 35 1950 1960 1970 1980 1990 2000 2010 2020 2030 2040 2050 % Population Over 60 Aged Population In Canada, Finland and Korea Korea Canada Finland55 original level of 5% in 2000. Between 2000 and 2020 the number of people aged 60 or over in Korea increased more rapidly and is expected to reach 9% in 2020. After 2020 the aged population is expected to increase very rapidly overtaking Canada and Finland in around 2035 and reaching 30% by 2050. The lower initial aged population of Korea can be attributed to the lower development of Korea in the early part of the 20th century, but rapid development and healthy diets in the second half of the 20th century are probably the cause of the increased longevity in Korea.
The graph
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shows
the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
60 and
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over
in Canada, Finland

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and
Korea between 1950 and 2050.

The number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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aged
above 60 in Canada and Finland follows a

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remarkably
similar trend. In 1950 both countries had 7-9% of their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
population


aged 60 or above and the percentage increased
steadily
until 2050 when both

countries are
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expected
to have around 25% of their
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population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
60 or

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above
.

In contrast
, Korea had
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only
5% of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
60 or
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over
in 1950. This

number dropped
slightly
in the subsequent years and
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only
recovered to the

0

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

1950 1960 1970 1980 1990 2000 2010 2020 2030 2040 2050

%
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Population
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Over
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60 Aged
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Population
In Canada, Finland and
Possible typo: you repeated a word
Korea Korea


Canada

Finland55

original level of 5% in 2000. Between 2000 and 2020 the number of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
people


aged 60 or
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over
in Korea increased more
rapidly
and is
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expected
to reach 9% in

2020.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
2020 the
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aged
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population
is
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expected
to increase
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very
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
rapidly


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overtaking
Canada and Finland in around 2035 and reaching 30% by 2050.

The lower initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of Korea can
be attributed
to the lower

development of Korea in the early part of the 20th century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rapid

development and healthy diets in the second half of the 20th century are

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probably
the cause of the increased longevity in Korea.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the percentage of people aged over 60 in Canada, Finland and Korea between 1950 and 2050.

Academic
  American English
17 paragraphs
235 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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