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The provided bar chart illustrates the information about more and more travelers utilize three most reputed airports in New York city from the year 1995 to the year 2000.

The provided bar chart illustrates the information about more and more travelers utilize three most reputed airports in New York city from the year 1995 to the year 2000. jlX8
The provided bar chart illustrates the information about more and more travelers utilize three most reputed airports in New York city from the year 1995 to the year 2000. Examining the first airport namely John F. Kennedy, in both year 1995 and 1999, almost 28 million of passengers used this airport, which was very low. However, in the next year, this airport used by 39 million travelers as well as 48 million users visited in the year 1997, which was recorded the highest volume of passengers. Whereas, in 1998 and in 2000, rate was accounted at 32 million and 43 million, respectively. Considering the LaGuardia airport, very least number of passengers travelled through this airport, was 38 million visitors, by the year 1995. However, this scale was increased dramatically and at the end of the period this ratio had experienced the highest rate of passengers, just below 70 million. According the Newark airport, least number of visitors accounted in the beginning period, which was 18 million only. Eventually, the scale was inclined sharply for the next two years and remained stable at the end of the period, which had accounted over 40 million, in the year 2000. Overall, during the given period, John F Kennedy and LaGuardia became most renowned airports.
The provided bar chart illustrates the information about more and more travelers utilize three most reputed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airports
in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New York city
from the
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year
1995 to the
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year
2000.

Examining the
first
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airport
namely
John F. Kennedy, in both
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year
1995 and 1999, almost 28
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million
of
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passengers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
this
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airport
, which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low.
However
, in the
next
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year
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by 39
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million
travelers
as well
as 48
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
users visited in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1997, which
was recorded
the highest volume of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passengers
. Whereas, in 1998 and in 2000, rate
was accounted
at 32
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million
and 43
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
,
respectively
.

Considering the LaGuardia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airport
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
least number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passengers
travelled through this
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airport
, was 38
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
visitors, by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1995.
However
, this scale
was increased
dramatically
and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
this ratio had experienced the highest rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passengers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 70 million.

It appears that a preposition is missing after 'According'.
According the
Newark
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airport
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
number of visitors accounted in the beginning
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period
, which was 18
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
Eventually
, the scale
was inclined
sharply
for the
next
two years and remained stable at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, which had accounted over 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2000.

Overall
, during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, John F Kennedy and LaGuardia became most renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airports
.
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IELTS academic The provided bar chart illustrates the information about more and more travelers utilize three most reputed airports in New York city from the year 1995 to the year 2000.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
211 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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