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The graph shows the number of students enrolled on different course types in China.

The graph shows the number of students enrolled on different course types in China. kJeW
The line graph demonstrates the number of people who took different types of courses in China, during the period from 2008 to 2012. The clearest trend visible is the highest number of undergraduates compared to other course takers. It rose gradually over the four year period, ending at the highest point with over 23 million students enrolled in 2012. Also showing the upward trend is the number of online trainees. Between 2008 and 2012, it experienced a steady increase from approximately 3 to 5 million people. By contrast, the number of pupils who took literacy courses fell from around 1, 5 million to 0 in 2010, reaching it lowest point. After that, it witnessed a rise of less then one million in 2012, ending with the lowest number of students enrolled. When it comes to postgraduates, starting at the same point as people in literacy education, their number remained unchanged during the four year period shown. Overall, between 2008 and 2012, undergraduate studies were undoubtedly the most popular in China, whilst a lot smaller number of students decided to continue their studies as postgraduates. And while the interest in literacy courses fell over the years, for online type of trainings it started to climb.
The line graph demonstrates the
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number
of
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people
who took
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
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courses
in China, during the period from 2008 to 2012.

The clearest trend visible is the highest
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number
of undergraduates compared to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
takers. It rose
gradually
over the
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "four-year"
four year
period, ending at the highest point with over 23
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million
students enrolled in 2012.
Also
showing the upward trend is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of online trainees. Between 2008 and 2012, it experienced a steady increase from approximately 3 to 5
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million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

By contrast, the
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number
of pupils who took literacy
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courses
fell from around 1, 5
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million
to 0 in 2010, reaching it
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
point. After that, it witnessed a rise of less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
one
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million
in 2012, ending with the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of students enrolled. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to postgraduates, starting at the same point as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in literacy education, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
remained unchanged during the
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "four-year"
four year
period shown.

Overall
, between 2008 and 2012, undergraduate studies were
undoubtedly
the most popular in China, whilst a lot smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of students decided to continue their studies as postgraduates. And while the interest in literacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
fell over the years, for online type of trainings it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to climb.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the number of students enrolled on different course types in China.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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