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The graph shows the no of boys and girls playing sports

The graph shows the no of boys and girls playing sports w768d
The bar chart illustrates how many children, divided by gender, played six kinds of sports (tennis, badminton, cycling, swimming, football and hockey) in a town in England in 2012. Overall, the number of boys playing sport exceeded that of girls in the given period and the sport with the most significant difference between the genders was football. Football was also the most popular sport for boys while the majority of girls preferred swimming. Furthermore, both males and females least preferred playing hockey. There were four sports in which boys participated more than girls. While 60 boys played football, the number of girls playing that sport was considerably lower (around 20). With regards to tennis, the figure for boys who played that sport was 50 as opposed to just under 40 for girls. Similarly, more boys cycled than girls (approximately 35and 20 respectively). The difference, in terms of hockey, was minimal with only about 5 more boys playing that sport than girls. On the other hand, more girls took part in the two remaining sports which both showed a difference of about 10 between the genders. As many as 50 girls preferred swimming in comparison to 40 girls for badminton.
The bar chart illustrates how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children, divided by gender, played six kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
(tennis, badminton, cycling, swimming,
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football
and hockey) in a town in England in 2012.
Overall
, the number of
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boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
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sport
exceeded that of
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girls
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period and the
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sport
with the most significant difference between the genders was
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football
.
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Football
was
also
the most popular
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sport
for
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boys
while the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
preferred swimming.
Furthermore
, both males and females least preferred
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playing
hockey. There were four
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sports
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
participated more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. While 60
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boys
played
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
, the number of
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girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
that
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sport
was
considerably
lower (around 20).
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
tennis, the figure for
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boys
who played that
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sport
was 50 as opposed to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 40 for
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girls
.
Similarly
, more
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boys
cycled than
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girls
(approximately 35and 20
respectively
). The difference, in terms of hockey, was minimal with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 5 more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
On the other hand
, more
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girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in the two remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a difference of about 10 between the genders. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
preferred swimming
in comparison
to 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
for badminton.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the no of boys and girls playing sports

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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