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The graph shown the ratio of unemployment rate and number of people who migrate between 1988and 2008

The graph shown the ratio of unemployment rate and number of people who migrate between 1988and 2008 o5OdK
The rendered line graph depicts the unemployment rate and number of people who leaving the country from 1988 to 2008. The unemployment data is calibrated in percentage as well as migrate people value in thousands. At a fleeting glance, it is clearly observed that in year 1988, the ratio of the unemployment was starting from 18 percent. But, after two years the graph moved a downword trend and from 6 percent in approximately 1991year, the graph moved on straight path without any fluctuation. In last year 2008, it reached near about 10 he. To be more specify, the migration value of the Ireland citizens were 20, 000 in 1998 and in 1990 they reached on the top value near about 60, 000. But, after passing the 1990, the graph shown the fluctuations at the end of the graph and become stable on 40, 000. Overall, from the beginning the unemployment ratio was maximum but in the last period number of people who leave the Ireland country was more.
The rendered line
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graph
depicts the
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unemployment
rate and number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who leaving the country from 1988 to 2008. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
data
is calibrated
in percentage
as well
as migrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
value in thousands. At a fleeting glance, it is
clearly
observed that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1988, the ratio of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
was starting from 18 percent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, after two years the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
downword
trend and from 6 percent in approximately
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1991year
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
on straight path without any fluctuation. In last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2008, it reached near about 10 he. To be more specify, the migration value of the Ireland citizens were 20, 000 in 1998 and in 1990 they reached on the top value near about 60, 000.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, after passing the 1990, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
shown the fluctuations at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
and become stable on 40, 000.
Overall
, from the beginning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
ratio was maximum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the last period number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the Ireland country was more.
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IELTS academic The graph shown the ratio of unemployment rate and number of people who migrate between 1988and 2008

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
168 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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