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the graph show the number of visitors in British museums

the graph show the number of visitors in British museums 7Lgl3
The given line graph depicts how many travelers visited three museums in England from June to September 2003. Overall, British museums visitors were by far the most common museums which attract the largest visitors through the period surveyed. Meanwhile, the figures for the Natural History Museum reached their nadir and then recovered. Science Museums figures also decrease moderately before leveling off at the middle of the period subsequently gradual recovery onwards. As can be seen, the number of sightseers at the British museum stood at the highest in June with 6 thousand, and then it reached a peak at about 7. 5 thousand in the middle of July. Afterward, there was a sharp fall to exactly 5 thousand in August, followed by a significant rise to approximately 6. 5 thousand at the end of the period. In contrast, the figure for the History museums started at 4 thousand before decreasing modestly to hit a low point by 3 thousand in August which accounted for the fewest sightseers. After that, this figure experienced a dramatic growth to nearly 4. 5 thousand in September. However, as regards the Science museum, it was the second most popular museum throughout the period with around 6. 5 thousand in June, after it dropped steadily to 3. 5 thousand in July, this figure remained stable at 3. 5 thousand during the period between June and August which at this point this figure witnessed a constant increase to just over 4. 5 thousand in September.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph depicts how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
travelers visited three
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museums
in England from June to September 2003.

Overall
, British
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museums
visitors were by far the most common
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museums
which attract the largest visitors through the
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period
surveyed. Meanwhile, the
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figures
for the Natural History
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Museum
reached their nadir and then recovered. Science
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Museums
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figures
also
decrease
moderately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
leveling off at the middle of the
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period
subsequently
gradual recovery onwards.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, the number of sightseers at the British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
stood at the highest in June with 6 thousand, and then it reached a peak at about 7. 5 thousand in the middle of July. Afterward, there was a sharp fall to exactly 5 thousand in August, followed by a significant rise to approximately 6. 5 thousand at the
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end
of the
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period
.
In contrast
, the
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figure
for the History
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museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 4 thousand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
decreasing
modestly
to hit a low point by 3 thousand in August which accounted for the fewest sightseers. After that, this
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figure
experienced a dramatic growth to
nearly
4. 5 thousand in September.

However
, as regards the Science
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museum
, it was the second most popular
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museum
throughout the
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period
with around 6. 5 thousand in June, after it dropped
steadily
to 3. 5 thousand in July, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
remained stable at 3. 5 thousand during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
between June and August which at this point this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
witnessed a constant increase to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 4. 5 thousand in September.

IELTS academic the graph show the number of visitors in British museums

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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