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the graph show the amount of income of people in 2002

the graph show the amount of income of people in 2002 APmEl
The line chart illustrates how much incomes people with different types of degree by eight age ranges earned weekly in 2002. Overall, the tendency for three types of degrees was upward thoughout the period. In addtion, around the thirties, people having other degree earned the highest but in the older age groups, those with advanced degrees seemed to receive higher incomes. Also, the income increases became far more gradually. During the first twenty years of working life for postgraduates and graduates, there was a significant rise for both groups. Throughout the period given, the earnings for people with a single degree were lower than the others. Its figure was about $360 in the 21-25 age group and reaching its peak in the 36-40 and 41-45 age ranges with nearly $700. Moreover, the incomes of postgraduates aged from 46-50 to 56-60 were stable at between approximately $680 and $690. In terms of advanced degree holders, there was a soar from about $390 in people aged 21-25 to around $750 in the 41-45 age group. Between ages 46-50 and 51-55, their incomes drop slightly from approximately $740 to $710. However, the amount earned by those with a higher degree went up again and became the highest income level in the oldest age groups at around $790. In comparison with postgraduates and graduates, people having other qualifications reached their highest salary earlier than the others. Their commencing salary was higher than the others, at about $410 in the 21-25 age group, then reaching a maximum of around $820 in ages 36-40. Nevertheless, by the age of 45, their wages plunged to approximately $720 and ended at the lower level than those with advanced degrees, at nearly $700.
The line chart illustrates how
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
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incomes
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people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
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degree
by eight
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age
ranges earned weekly in 2002.

Overall
, the tendency for three types of
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degrees
was upward
Possible spelling mistake found.
thoughout
the period. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
addtion
,
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around
the thirties,
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people
having
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other
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degree
earned the highest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the older
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age
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groups
, those with advanced
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degrees
seemed to receive higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incomes
.
Also
, the
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income
increases became far more
gradually
.

During the
first
twenty years of working life for postgraduates and graduates, there was a significant rise for both
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groups
. Throughout the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, the earnings for
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people
with a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
were lower than the others. Its figure was about $360 in the 21-25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and reaching its peak in the 36-40 and 41-45
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age
ranges with
nearly
$700.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incomes
of postgraduates aged from 46-50 to 56-60 were stable at between approximately $680 and $690. In terms of advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
holders, there was a soar from about $390 in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged 21-25 to
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around
$750 in the 41-45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. Between
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ages
46-50 and 51-55, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incomes
drop
slightly
from approximately $740 to $710.
However
, the amount earned by those with a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
went up again and became the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
level in the oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
at
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around
$790.

In comparison
with postgraduates and graduates,
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people
having
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other
qualifications reached their highest salary earlier than the others. Their commencing salary was higher than the others, at about $410 in the 21-25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, then reaching a maximum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
$820 in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
36-40.
Nevertheless
, by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 45, their wages plunged to approximately $720 and ended at the lower level than those with advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
, at
nearly
$700.
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IELTS academic the graph show the amount of income of people in 2002

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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