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The bar chart elucidates the sheer number of men and females seized in further education in Britain. It shows whether they were scholarly full-time or part-time and is divided into three epochs.

The bar chart elucidates the sheer number of men and females seized in further education in Britain. It shows whether they were scholarly full-time or part-time and is divided into three epochs. YyK6Q
The chart above illustrates the statistics for the amount of people, who enrolled in additional education in Britain in three specific years regarding their gender besides the type of study. Overall, the number of mens joined part-time education was in a gradual decline relative to women' ratios. Although the huge variation between proportions of part time studying, the ratios tend to be relatively identical in the full-time section. As exemplified in the chart, the proportion of part time education in men section has shown a a surge fall in 1980, as the number of participants dip from 1000 thousands to nearly 810 thousands. This fall didn't keep on for Long time, the number rise to reach 850 thousands by 1990, mean while the amount of females take up part time education was higher by approximately 210 thousands. Moving on, the part time section's ratios are relatively near among genders. During 1970 the amount of men hit 50 thousands over the amount of women, but that number falls as the females number exceeded males by nearly 50 thousands in 1980.
The chart above illustrates the statistics for the
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amount
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who enrolled in additional
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education
in Britain in three specific years regarding their gender
besides


the type of study.

Overall
, the
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number
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
mens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
part-time
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education
was in a gradual decline relative to women' ratios. Although the huge variation between proportions of
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part
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time
studying, the ratios tend to be
relatively
identical in the full-time section.

As exemplified in the chart, the proportion of
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part
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time
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education
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
section has shown
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a a
surge fall in 1980, as the
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number
of participants dip from 1000 thousands to
nearly
810 thousands. This fall didn't
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keep
on for Long
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time
, the
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number
rise to reach 850 thousands by 1990,
Did you mean "meanwhile"?
mean while
the
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amount
of females
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "takes"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'take' is not always incorrect.)
take
up
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part
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time
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education
was higher by approximately 210 thousands.

Moving on, the
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part
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time
section's ratios are
relatively
near among genders. During 1970 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "hits"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'hit' is not always incorrect.)
hit
50 thousands over the
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amount
of women,
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but
that
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number
falls as the females
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number
exceeded males by
nearly
50 thousands in 1980.
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IELTS academic The bar chart elucidates the sheer number of men and females seized in further education in Britain. It shows whether they were scholarly full-time or part-time and is divided into three epochs.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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