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changes in viewership of radio and television

changes in viewership of radio and television ELo1M
The graph depicts the changes in viewership of radio and television audiences throughout the day in UK October-December. As the graph illustrates, in the morning time, during 6am to 12 noon, Radio is used by the audiences and it was peak at 9am whereas television is viewed by only 5% of the population. During afternoon, there is a gradual rise in number of people watching television. On the other hand, radio listeners showed a downward trend during this period. There is a slight increase in radio from 4pm to 6pm whereas television viewers rocketed to nearly 40%. There is a high peak of 45% who preferred television at 8pm during night and radio plunged down. Coming to midnight, from 12 am to 4am both dipped exorbitantly to 0% and rose gradually in the early morning.
The graph depicts the
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changes
in viewership of
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radio
and
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television
audiences throughout the day in UK October-December. As the graph illustrates, in the morning time, during 6am to 12 noon,
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Radio
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the audiences and it was peak at 9am whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is viewed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% of the population. During afternoon, there is a gradual rise in number of
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people
watching
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television
.
On the other hand
,
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radio
listeners
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showed
a downward trend during this period. There is a slight increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
from 4pm to 6pm whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
viewers rocketed to
nearly
40%. There is a high peak of 45% who preferred
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television
at 8pm during night and
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radio
plunged down. Coming to midnight, from 12 am to 4am both dipped
exorbitantly
to 0% and rose
gradually
in the early morning.
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IELTS academic changes in viewership of radio and television

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
135 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 7.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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