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the graph show data about the annual earing

the graph show data about the annual earing 8Lm9P
THE GIVEN DIAGRAM/LINE CHART ILLUSTRATES FIGURES/INFORMATION OF YEARLY INCOME OF THREE BAKERIES IN LONDON BETWEEN 2000 AND 2010. IN GENERAL, IT IS CLEAR THAT THE INCOME OF RB AND BB INCREASED WHILE THAT OF LL DECREASED OVER THE PERIOD IN QUESTION. ANOTHER INTERESTING POINT IS THAT RB WAS THE MOST CROWDED/POPULAR AT THE END OF THE PERIOD. LOOKING AT THE DETAILS, IF WE LOOK AT LL, THE INCOME STARTED AT OVER $80, 000 IN 2000 AND THEN IT FLUCTUATED TO $90, 000 IN 2004, AFTER THAT IT DECREASED RAPIDLY TO UNDER $60, 000 IN 2006. AFTER A SLIGHT INCREASE IN 2007, THE INCOME DECREASED SHARPLY TO $40, 000 IN 2010. WITH RESPECT TO RB, THE INCOME STARTED AT ABOUT $55, 000 IN 2000 AND THEN IT REMAINED STABLE IN THE FIRST FIVE YEARS, AFTER WHICH IT INCREASED DRAMATICALLY TO OVER $100, 000 IN 2010. AS FOR BB, THE INCOME STARTED AT $20, 000 IN 2000 AFTER THAT IT FLUCTUATED AND INCREASED RAPIDLY TO UNDER $40, 000 IN 2003 AND THEN IT REMAINED STABLE TO 2005. HAVING DECREASED SLIGHTLY IN 2006, THE INCOME INCREASED RAPIDLY TO AROUND $65, 000 IN 2010.
THE
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GIVEN
DIAGRAM/LINE CHART ILLUSTRATES FIGURES/INFORMATION OF YEARLY
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INCOME
OF THREE BAKERIES IN LONDON BETWEEN 2000 AND 2010.
IN GENERAL
, IT IS
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CLEAR
THAT THE
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INCOME
OF RB AND BB
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INCREASED
WHILE THAT OF LL
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DECREASED
OVER THE PERIOD IN QUESTION. ANOTHER INTERESTING POINT IS THAT RB WAS THE MOST CROWDED/POPULAR AT THE
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END
OF THE PERIOD.

LOOKING AT THE
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DETAILS
, IF WE LOOK AT LL, THE
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INCOME
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STARTED
AT OVER $80, 000 IN 2000 AND THEN IT FLUCTUATED TO $90, 000 IN 2004, AFTER THAT IT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
DECREASED
RAPIDLY
TO UNDER $60, 000 IN 2006. AFTER A SLIGHT INCREASE IN 2007, THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
INCOME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
DECREASED
SHARPLY
TO $40, 000 IN 2010.

WITH RESPECT TO RB, THE
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INCOME
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STARTED
AT ABOUT $55, 000 IN 2000 AND THEN IT REMAINED STABLE IN THE
FIRST
FIVE YEARS, AFTER WHICH IT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
INCREASED
DRAMATICALLY
TO OVER $100, 000 IN 2010. AS FOR BB, THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
INCOME
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STARTED
AT $20, 000 IN 2000 AFTER THAT IT FLUCTUATED AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
INCREASED
RAPIDLY
TO UNDER $40, 000 IN 2003 AND THEN IT REMAINED STABLE TO 2005. HAVING
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DECREASED
SLIGHTLY
IN 2006, THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
INCOME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
INCREASED
RAPIDLY
TO AROUND $65, 000 IN 2010.

IELTS academic the graph show data about the annual earing

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
190 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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