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The graph on the right shows the unemployment figures amongst women of different age groups. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown.

The graph on the right shows the unemployment figures amongst women of different age groups. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown. jokqM
The graph shows percentages of unemployed women at 8 ages. It can be clearly seen that the ages 18 and 45 have the highest unemployment rate. According to the graph, among the ages 18, 20, 25, 30 and 35, the youngest women have the highest unemployment percentage (15%). 20 year-old women have much lower unemployment figures (about 10%), and percentages drop even lower (to 5 percent) for those aged 25 and 35. There is a slight increase for those aged 30, where the unemployment rate reaches 6 percent. The peak value is recorded amongst 45 year-old women, and all the remaining ages have much lower figures: 8% at age 55 and 9% at age 65. To sum up, the figures for most ages are relatively uniform and change from 5 to 9 %, with rare exceptions such as the ages 18 and 45.
The graph
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shows
percentages of unemployed
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women
at 8
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ages
. It can be
clearly
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seen
that the

ages 18 and 45 have the highest unemployment rate.

According to the graph, among the
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ages
18, 20, 25, 30 and 35, the youngest
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women
have the

highest unemployment percentage (15%). 20 year-
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old
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women
have much lower unemployment

figures (about 10%), and percentages drop even lower (to 5 percent) for those aged 25 and 35.

There is a slight increase for those aged 30, where the unemployment rate reaches 6 percent.

The peak value
is recorded
Do not mix variants of the same word ('amongst' and 'among') within a single text.
amongst
45 year-
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old
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women
, and all the remaining
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ages
have much

lower figures: 8% at
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age
55 and 9% at
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age
65.

To sum up, the figures for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
are
relatively
uniform and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
from 5 to 9 %, with rare

exceptions such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
18 and 45.
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IELTS academic The graph on the right shows the unemployment figures amongst women of different age groups. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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